Change Can Be Lonely

      Back to School!  Students moving into dorm rooms, buying textbooks, deciding which events to go to and always asking the question, "How do I fit in here?"  There is a certain energy, nervousness and anticipation that happens each and every fall.  This week when I saw the posts from friends beginning their lives in new places I was reminded of my own journey and the reality that sometimes change in our lives can be a very lonely experience.  For me, my freshman year of college was one of the loneliest experiences of my life.

Move in day 2014 at Cornell.  https://www.facebook.com/Cornell

     In the fall of 1998 I was entering college for the first time as a student at Cornell.  Unlike most students my arrival came earlier as a member of the football team.  My day was planned for me from 7:00am to 10:00pm with meals, meetings, practice, and film study in our own version of orientation.  In some ways that was a blessing and in others a hindrance.  When classes began I was enrolled in 18 credit hours and the football team required freshman to attend study hall from 7:00-9:00pm Monday through Thursday.  Furthermore games occupied Friday and Saturday and we practiced on Sundays from 10:30am - 5:30pm.  Consequently I did not have much free time.  Regardless of the schedule and demands of energy there was still a longing in my heart for connection.  It is the same reason why people who work hard all week long summon the energy to go out on a Friday night.  As a freshman I wrote daily emails to high school friends recounting all that was happening in my life.  Thankfully they let me write my quasi journal and even if they didn't read them they at least didn't tell me to stop writing them.  I started to talking to my mother more and telling her what was happening in my life and somehow overcame my revulsion to the telephone, but when I looked around campus I found myself feeling very alone.  

   There is something inside of us that needs a place to belong, a place where we can be ourselves, where we can laugh, cry, express our dreams, and be comforted in our fears.  However we all have seasons in life where that place feels very far away.  That was my experience as a freshman.  I knew that the predominant party scene at the bar and fraternities was not where I wanted to be.  My convictions were strong but at that stage it would have only been a matter of time before I compromised my beliefs for the sake of belonging if I had put myself in that environment.  When you are walking through a lonely season you have to be careful about what you use to bring you comfort.  Some of the deadliest traps are laid in the wildernesses of life.  I have seen many people ensnared because they did not learn how to walk through the wilderness.  

      When I think back on my freshman year I often wonder how I got through it.  At the time I did not realize how lonely I really was and in a way not being aware helped me walk through that time.  Life can be particularly challenging if your friends are loving their college experience and you are hating yours.  That kind of comparison can rob us of much joy and learning in life.  It is helpful to remember that Jesus went through the wilderness too.  In Matthew 4:1 we read, "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil."  Sometimes God will lead us into a wilderness where we will be tested.  

http://dl.creationswap.com/7339.jpg

Here are a few things that I have learned about the wilderness seasons of life;

#1) It's a season and it will pass.  It may feel like forever but it is meant to only be a season.  You are there to pass some tests not live for the rest of your life.

#2) The majority of people around you have no idea what you are going through and they're not suppose to know.  Some tests you have to go through on your own.  You  may have the encouragement and support of a few trusted friends or you may need to become the one who encourages others.  

#3) The point of the wilderness is to help you understand where your strength comes from and expose any areas where you may be drawing false strength from.  When you are in a wilderness no one else can make the choice for you.  You are not able to rely on the strength of another and so you come face to face with who you are.  

#4) God is with you, even if you feel alone.  Faith must be more than something that drives us when we feel good.  It is as much a guide in the wilderness as it is in the glorious moments.   If you do not understand this you have a shaky foundation.  

#5) Usually the voices that have your best interest in mind are the fewest.  It seems particularly true in our youth that the advice of the masses seldom benefits our lives.  We need to seek wisdom to guide us through the wilderness.  The voice of peers tend to place pleasure above perseverance and immediate gratification regardless of long term consequences.  It takes discernment to understand which voices you are allowing to direct your life.  

#6) Discover small ways to encourage yourself and enjoy life.  At Cornell there is a bridge that spans this beautiful gorge on my walk to and from campus.  The gorge was very similar to my hometown and I would often stop on the bridge on my way to my dorm and enjoy the beauty of that place.  That place alone encouraged my soul on a regular basis.  

Sackett Bridge on Beebe Lake in Late Summer.
Photo by Pacifico Jude B. Savella Jr

#7) There's hope on the other side.  

I had no idea how wonderful the friendships would be that I found at Cornell.  They far exceeded my expectations of what I thought was possible.  If I had given in during that time of loneliness I never would have experienced the joy that those friendships brought to my life and the goodness of God through them in the years to come.  I am so thankful for God's faithfulness to me through that season and for the joy that was on the other side of it.  Let me encourage you today if you are walking through a season of loneliness that there is hope on the other side. 

The joy on the other side!

#8) Finally, the wilderness prepares you for the battle.  This is one of the most misunderstood aspects of wilderness seasons.  The wilderness is not the main battle but the preparation for the battle.  In Jesus journey through the wilderness the temptation came after being in the wilderness for 40 days.  The end of the wilderness is the doorway to destiny.  There is a desire to face the challenge and win.  When you win the victories in the lonely place you prepare yourself to win them in public.  Don't despise the wilderness but recognize the value it has in preparing you to win.