Observe.Reflect.Influence: Lucas' Birth Story

Everyone has a story and nothing invites others to share their story with you like having a child. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party where they want people to share advice? It is an awkward portion of the event spotted with a few meaningful comments, a lot of repetition and a handful of weirdness. When you announce to the world that you are going to have a child, subconsciously you are inviting others into a protracted season of advice giving generally done through their own story. Admittedly this is much more pronounced for the mother of the child as the physical changes in her body more loudly announce this to the world. In a miraculous way the walls of decorum, social introduction, and physical boundaries are removed. You know when someone starts talking to you but skipped the introduction. This type of thing is normal during pregnancy. The Walmart clerk who prognosticates the sex of your child based upon their 3 second observation, the people who rub your belly, and those who like to share their horror stories with you while simultaneously explaining that having a child is the best thing in the world. Pre-birth you politely acknowledge the stories and thoughts and if you have a measure of wisdom you recognize that no amount of information can fully prepare you for the experience that you are soon to embark upon. So you listen and disregard some, file some away, and ponder others.

After the experience of our son Lucas’ birth I gained a whole new appreciation for the stories that are shared. The process of birth has a way of reorienting your perspective of love, anatomy, and endurance. I was telling Shelly today that parenting gives you a whole new appreciation for the depth of love that my own parents demonstrated toward me. I’ve come to realize that there’s something cathartic for people in sharing their stories. The kind of realization that makes me want to go back and listen to them again knowing that previously I was unable to fully appreciate the experience that was being shared and remind them that what they went through was worth the effort and sacrifice.

In light of that here is my story of Lucas’ birth…

Lucas is a restful sleeper

Due dates are a funny thing. They have a way of setting an expectation that can be surprised early or painfully delayed. When we were told that our child’s due date was July 3^rd I did not want to set my hopes entirely on that. Hopes are funny things that need something to hang their hat on. Prior to the third there was a lot of work to be done and I have learned how to ignore those other thoughts when there is a task at hand. We had been preparing our home for the arrival of our son and much of the work had been finished. Interestingly one of my colleagues at school told me to look for a spurt of energy as a sign that labor was imminent. That night after visiting some friends and family Shelly came home and proceeded to finish up her annual paper work for her job while I took a nap on the couch. Whether I recognized it or not that was a sign. On the night of July 3^rd as Shelly and I went to bed I needed to evaluate where I was placing my hope. I asked Shelly if there was anything else that she wanted to get done before the baby came and she had a few minor tasks still on the list. Something in-side of me had a sense that this baby was coming quickly and I said, “Okay Lord. I trust you. We don’t need to have everything on the list done, I trust your timing.” Then I had the thought, ‘I better try and get some sleep.’

My suspicions were confirmed at 4am when Shelly woke me up to tell me that her water had just broken. As she called the birthing center I did what any smart phone carrying male would do in that situation. I googled “what do I do when my water breaks?” After a quick medical lesson, while Shelly showered, I decided to make some coffee and proceeded to pour the coffee grounds into the water container on the back of the coffee maker. Thankfully I recognized my error quickly enough and said to myself, “Woodly get it together!” Our coffee maker stopped working shortly after that day.

Shelly had decided that she wanted to have the baby at the Bassett Birthing Center in Cooperstown, NY and we began the hour long drive. We were thrilled with the service and care that we received at Bassett and could not more highly recommend them as a place for giving birth. Bassett has the lowest C-section rate nationally and we went in with a great deal of confidence that they would be able to provide excellent care. As we drove past the hills and lakes along route 28 the morning fog was wistful off of the trees we both shared a great sense of peace and anticipation.

When we arrived at the hospital the doctored confirmed what I learned on google. The risk of infection greatly increases after 24 hours of the water breaking and therefore we were here to stay at the birthing center. Initially they hooked Shelly up to this monitor that was able to track that babies’ heart beat and her contractions. As a dad that was pretty cool because I was able to see when the contractions were coming and how long they were lasting. Many of them Shelly was not feeling at this point so we knew there was still a good ways to go. Around noon they gave her some medicine that can gently help accelerate the process and between 3:30 and 4:00 it was apparent that Shelly had moved into active labor. “Active Labor” is a term that they used in our Saturday birthing class that I was surprised somehow came back to my recollection. Throughout the day Shelly was encouraged to move around. We went for walks and she took several long showers as the water seemed to be helpful in accelerating the contractions. Thankfully we were able to play worship music and have a chance to set a peaceful atmosphere in the room. Our sweet nurse was also a Christian and was actually crying at one point as she commented on our approach to birth. We thank God for His kindness to us and the incredible support that she offered throughout the day. Shelly’s delivery went past her shift and she stayed through to Lucas’ birth.

As the day wore on Shelly was concerned that her muscles were tightening and that she might need some pain medication to help her get through the transition and pushing phase (more terms from the class.) When we asked the midwife she patiently considered our request. Interestingly our mid-wife was also a Christian and an amazing lady. What I later learned from her is that when people want drugs it is often a sign that they’re moving toward birth. Certainly we place no shame on those who have needed pain medication in their own deliveries. From that point on she did not leave our room and soon we were also joined by the night-time nurse. It became apparent that we were getting closer to the birth. The staff was spectacular in offering Shelly encouragement, counter-pressure, and overall kindness. Shelly was amazing!!! She was so strong and courageous through the delivery. At one point our night nurse said to her, “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you don’t have self-control.” I was so proud of how she worked to deliver our son and saw a greater depth of the beauty that she possesses in that room. There were several moments where I found myself holding back tears at the beauty that I saw in Shelly. Words are not adequate to capture the intensity of those feelings.

At 8:06pm Lucas Alexander was born! Immediately he began to look all around as they placed him on Shelly and put warm blankets on him. In due course they weighed him in at 9lbs 4oz and 21 inches. He decided to skip the newborn diapers and move right to size 1! As the nurses worked to bring Shelly and Lucas warm blankets we were able to pray and thank the Lord for the gift of our son. His alertness was the most obvious surprise to us as his eyes darted around the room to take in this entirely new experience. It was after his birth that our story took a turn…

Shelly and Lucas snuggling the day after he was born.

Shelly’s parents, sister and family had been waiting at the hospital in hopes of seeing Shelly and Lucas. As we began to move forward Shelly was not feeling well and did not think that she would be up to seeing anyone. We decided that I would introduce them to Lucas in another room and that Shelly would visit with them tomorrow. I went down to the waiting room and shared the good news with them and said that I would be back shortly. In the meantime Shelly was taking a shower and hoping to regain some of her strength.

When I returned to the delivery room the situation had changed significantly. Shelly was feeling an intense level of pain and discomfort. She had been so composed throughout the delivery and did not understand the intensity of the pain that she was now feeling. Throughout this time I was able to hold Lucas while he slept in my arms and the warm hospital blankets. Shelly’s pain was progressively increasing and soon she was asking for drugs to help alleviate the pain. The nurses and midwife quickly brought in the doctor who explained that in a small percentage of cases a blood vessel can rupture and create a hematoma that quickly fills with blood. After a quick inspection this in fact was the case for Shelly. Shelly’s plea at that time was “just knock me out!”

It is inspiring to watch professionals respond to an emergency. The doctor explained that he needed to relieve the pressure from the blood that was filling up inside Shelly’s body. As I filled out surgery paper work they proceeded to get to work on taking care of Shelly. The procedure required them to take her into the operating room. We later learned that the two doctors who had been in medicine for a long time had never seen a hematoma that large. Our doctor said it was about the size of a desk stapler and that through the surgery Shelly had lost about 1500cc of blood. Coincidentally our doctor was also a Christian man whose daughter was a student at Cornell. I recommended to him that she might find some good men at FCA.

As they were taking Shelly to the operating room Lucas and I needed to move from the delivery room to the recovery room. As we packed our stuff up we moved into an empty room and sat in the glider rocker. In the room I was able to spend some time worshipping the Lord and praying for Shelly. At one moment I said to the Lord, “I’m not equipped to do this thing alone, so I’m asking you to bring Shelly through this.” Lucas was so good during that time. He was awake now and just peacefully looked around the room. Soon after we were reunited and Lucas was able to get some quality snuggle time in with his mom. Shelly’s parents who’d left the hospital after our initial good report and delay thought we just needed our rest, had returned to see her after the surgery. Several of our family were able to enlist a cadre of prayer warriors during that time. We were so touched by those who stayed awake through the night to pray for Shelly.

Lucas and I in the glider chair in the recovery room.

When you’re pregnant your body builds up a much larger volume of blood supply and therefore Shelly was able to endure the extra blood loss without the need for a transfusion. However we learned quickly of the need to take it easy and let her body recover and build up its blood supply. The blood loss gave us an extra day in the hospital followed by an additional day for a high bilirubin count for Lucas. The light therapy and consistent feeding allowed us to leave after only a day of that treatment and we were so thankful to be able to come home. We still needed to take it easy and had a longer process in establishing his feeding. The blood loss also can affect a mother’s milk supply and extend the transition period for feeding. Thankfully the Lord has brought us through all of those transitions and we are enjoying the very early stages of parenthood and the gift and joy the Lucas is to our family. Shelly has come through the trauma of her surgery quite well and continues to demonstrate her incredible resilience and graciousness. She’s an incredible mother and it is such a joy to watch her with Lucas. I learn so much from observing how she parents him.

Lucas on the UV light to lower his bilirubin count.

The transition home was made immensely easier through the assistance of Shelly’s mother who spent a week and a half with us taking on the night shift of putting Lucas to sleep, changing him and bringing him in when he needed to be fed. That was such a gift to us. In addition we have been overwhelmed by the love and support we have received from so many people. There is something uniquely special when people value and appreciate your children. We are so blessed to know that Lucas has so many that love him and will support him throughout his life. Children truly are a gift from God. I have an immense amount of gratitude for those who have so generously and lovingly supported us through this time and continue to do so in such thoughtful ways. God's providence allowed for Lucas to come at the end of the school year when Shelly and I were both able to finish our responsibilities. In addition our leadership at Redeeming Love generously encouraged us to take the month of July off and we are so grateful for the ability to simply focus on getting health and enjoying time together as a family. Their willingness to invest in the long-term health and stability of our family is tremendous and I wish that every pastor was able to have such a supportive group of people around them.