“God gives you the grace for your circumstances. He doesn't give you the grace for another person's circumstance. It's often a true statement when you say, 'I couldn't deal with that situation.' Yes, apart from the grace of God you cannot.” - Ron Smallman
Accidents are never scheduled
There was an insurance commercial that had fun with the notion that one never plans for tragic events. In the commercial one man asks the other if he is available next week to play golf and the response comes, 'Sorry I won't be available next week because I'm going to fall of my ladder and break my leg.' Insurance is for those unplanned events. Similarly, there are moments when we are thrust into situations that challenge our very core and test every thought and belief. Such has been the recent passing of David Camp.
I cannot recall how I first found out about the accident. Most likely I was scrolling through my facebook news feed and saw an update to pray for David, then an e-mail from Jen Stoker with an urgent request for prayer. This type of thing is a rather common occurrence in my life. A serious accident or medical event accompanied by a request for immediate prayer. In fact just a week prior I had been asked to lead a candle light prayer vigil for a young girl in critical condition from a car accident. Opportunities to express the love of God that come throughout our lives. Frequently my response would be to offer a prayer, perhaps pass the e-mail along to some intercessors and go on with my day. However this situation was different.
You see to me David wasn't just some name on an e-mail or a facebook group. David was the son of my spiritual parents, the heroes of my life. David was a brother to my very good friends. David was a counselor and integral member of Camp Shiloh. David had been a camper. I had played with David, laughed with David, worshipped with David, prayed with David, dreamed with David. This time it was personal. When I saw the words “no brain activity” I was moved with great concern. In my classroom I began to pray asking the Lord for mercy and life for David. Yet I was moving that day and as I heard the news the truck was being loaded at my house. The closing date on the house would not be put off due to my friend's accident. I was able to carry David's situation with me as I went about the task of moving. Frequently, I would check the news feed and was aware of the severity of the situation at the hospital.
At this point I was concerned but not worried. I mean if anyone knew how to pray and see the manifest presence of God's glory, it would be the Camp family and the people of Resurrection Life Fellowship. However, the calls for prayer continued to come and I needed to go support my family.
If you had the honor of visiting the hospital the scene was a-typical. Initially, you were greeted by a group that had turned the large waiting room into a prayer room, feeding area, sleeping area, and general support group. Hugs and tears flowed as freely as the coffee in the Dunkin Donut Boxes of Joe. There was a steady stream of people let into ICU to accompany the family and pray with David. Some jumped into the prayer flow and others were pulled in by those desperate to see the break through. Inside ICU another room had been set aside for the family and close friends. A small group sat and stood outside that room mostly in quiet reflection waiting their turn to go and pray with David, kind of like an on-deck batter. Everyone understood that the family had presedence in the prayer line and waiting time was of little or no significance. It was a beautiful expression of genuine patience.
When an opening came a real loving woman from the hospital directed me into David's room. As I approached I asked the Lord for love and faith to fill me. I don't know if one ever feels fully prepared for these moments in life, but thankfully the Lord has given me great grace to move forward in them. They remind me of that nervous uncertainty and expectation that I would feel prior to a football game. I tell myself that no matter what I encounter that I am equipped and prepared, and that the Lord is with me.
When I entered the room it was as if I entered into a new realm of faith. One where doubt was unable to remain. Like beads of water on a windshield with a fresh coat of rain-x the doubt in my mind was removed. Furthermore, entering felt like stepping into a different realm where praying with authority and declaring the purposes of the Lord was the most natural thing that I had ever done. It was like stepping into Narnia where one was a king surrounded by a family of royalty. This was the kingdom of God that Jesus so regularly talked about.
“This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” - 1 John 4:10
It was shortly into my visit that I witnessed the most beautiful expression of God's love that perhaps I have ever seen. David's parents John and Kristy (dad and mom) had been out of the room and now returned. The combination of love, determination, and faith that I witnessed in that moment has forever transformed me. Stepping past the curtain they immediately moved to David's side speaking words of life and hope to him. The bandages on his body did not prevent their hands from caressing his head nor did the sheet on his body hold them back from laying their hands on him. The scripture says, “lay your hands on the sick and they shall recover.” In all honesty it was not much different than I had seen them minister so many times before. John and Kristy love everyone as their own. Yet in this moment I felt like the Lord just wanted to show me something. I had stepped back from the bed and for a few minutes watched mom and dad fight for the life of their son. It was then that Father God said to me, “Woodly, this is how I fight for all my children.” To think of that moment moves me to tears still today. As I type they stream down my face. That God loves us so intently in the midst of our infirmities, in the midst of our foolishness, in every situation He loves. I cannot look at people the same way after having seen such love.
Perseverance
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised... But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.”
- Hebrews 10:35-36,39
During the next few days I had several more opportunities to visit with the family and to pray with David. Each time the sense of God's presence increased and my hope in David's restoration strengthened. On Saturday night the hospital staff had to make a difficult decision to close the waiting room to everyone except the immediate family. When you're a part of the family of God “immediate family” has a different definition, but I felt it important to honor the hospital's wishes, whom had quite honestly been amazingly accomadating from my perspective. I'd come back in the early morning with the crowd hours away in their memories. Perhaps I didn't really want to fully honor their wishes.
Here again I was amazed at the Lord's timing. Right when I turned down towards the ICU doors I met mom. Knowing the tension with the hosptial I asked her if she would like me to join her. She grabbed my hand and said “come walk with me.” That moment unscrewed a hose of love from the faucet of my heart. It was an explosion of love.
Over the next few hours we spoke to David. We reminded him of the prophetic words spoken over his life. We were calling to him. We acted according to our faith and our understanding. Scripture says that we know in part and we see in part and so we respond to God according to the part that He has revealed to us. In the midst of contending and speaking life and hope to David we worshipped God intensely. There was no fear or doubt. Only love expressing itself from his parents, from his siblings, from his sweetheart Courtney, from the family of God. We were contending for what we believed. We were contending for the manifest power of Christ to be seen in David's body. I believe that it was our responsibility to do that and that it was pleasing to the Lord, but all scripture is God breathed and the truth remains “to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Interestingly the family has received some incredible revelation about the prophetic words spoken over David and their fulfillment. However, that part of the story is not mine to tell.
Sin separtes
Sunday morning as I drove from the hospital to my church I was reminded of the reality that sin separates. It moves your heart deeply when you see sin from this perspective. We live in a world that has been affected by the wages of sin and as a result there is separation. I don't mean the sin in David's life or in any one particular person's life. I mean the result of sin entering into the world and the broken connection with God.
That night I received a text that David's heart had stopped. Following that text was the message that the family had released David to be with the Lord.
I cannot imagine the sorrow and heartache that they felt that night. I didn't know what to say. I imagined the exhaustion that those who had been at the hospital for five days must have felt and my prayer was simply, 'Father, hold them.' The song on my heart continued to be “All through the storm, Your love is the answer. My hope is in You alone.”
Why?
“When you push against a 400 pound boulder one of two things will happen. Either the boulder will move or you'll be changed. Down the road you may encounter a 300 pound boulder and if you never pushed on the 400 pound boulder you'd never be ready to move the 300 pound one.”
- Bill Johnson
The above passage has greatly helped my understanding of seemingly unanswered prayers. It is particuarly powerful to me because it comes from a man who has seen miracle after miracle yet his own father died of cancer. It is a perspective he discovered through great personal pain. However, even though I believe it and it has brough me great comfort my question is; Does that give any comfort to a mother?
To answer that quesiton I first need to tell another story.
A few months ago a dear friend of mine from college (Christine White) died in her sleep the night of her birthday. Chrissie loved deeply and lived with more passion and joy than most anyone I know. I was overwhelmed with sadness thinking about her passing and I had texted my friend sharing that feeling with them. Her response to me was this, “His joy is strength.” As I began to meditate on that I noticed the contrast between my joy and His joy. Perhaps the two are not always congruent? The next morning as I was walking into school I had a picture of Chrissie walking into a room with Jesus. She was so excited!!! Chrissie would get excited over the simplest things and in the vision Chrissie's joy brought joy to Jesus. It was at that moment that a picture in my mind connected with the words “His joy is strength.”
Scripture tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength and that in His presence is fullness of joy. It is not just a pair of verses that we quote but an invitation to a divine encounter. If I rest in the Lord and worship Him in my pain I find that His word is true. The cross was a demonstration about His love and an invitation to now enter His presence. That is the only comfort that anyone can find whether it be a mother, father, brother, sister, or friend.
Does it end the pain?
No, but it does shine a ray of hope into darkness. A ray that says today is not the end. There will be a uniting with love that will so radically transcend all of our questions, fears and doubts. It is the smallest of parts of “knowing in part.” It serves as a reminder that there will be a day when we will know in full.
“Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:13,14
Cherish the encounters when God reveals these little nuggets to you. They are the “keys to the kingdom” or access to realms. You're meant to revisit those divine moments when you need them. God shows us these not just for a quick visit but He opens doors for us that we have freedom to enter any time we need. I pray for those hurting that God would grant them such encounters.
But why??
“In order to get the peace that passes understanding, you have to give up your right to understand.” - Bill Johnson
“How can I be angry at God. We almost lost David several times when he was young. We got to spend 21 years together with him. David was a gift from the Lord.” - David's Father (Pastor John Camp)
The days ahead
Don't judge the way you grieve.
I try to never judge my own grieving, nor the grieving of someone else. At times I may laugh, at times I may cry, at times I may want to be alone, and all of it is healthy. It is my hope that I can give others the freedom to be who they are when they are around me. I am not offended if I am not the person that they are comfortable around, however I desire to make every effort to demonstrate love and compassion. That can be found in many ways, sending an encouraging note, a gift, a hug, a phone call, an act of service, a listening ear, providing a fun alternative to the normal day, etc. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
Eventually the days will get easier, but it is never the same. I don't think you ever get over it, the memory is always there, the loss is always felt. However, the Lord is faithful in all His ways. Some how in the midst of our grief He comforts us and reminds us of His goodness and unfailing love. We find again that we're able to sing, “He gives and takes away... and my heart will chose to say, Lord blessed be Your name.”
